Mystics versus Erratics at Plymtree, 9th August 2003

A is for the Afternoon, hotter than a Barron's crotch
B is for the Blacksmith's Arms, where I'd quickly downed a scotch,
C is for the Centigrades, they numbered thirty-plus,
D is for the Debutants, the three that played for us,
E is for Erratics scoring freely at the start,
F is for Sid's Flashing catch that prised the openers apart,
G is for Guy Clark who made twenty-eight fine runs,
H is for Hitchcock : one of his better thirty-one's,
I is for the Impetus that Thomas did inject.
One Hundred for two off twenty: we're already feeling wrecked.

J is for the Joy we felt when Adam was dismissed,
K is for the kindly bowling Orpen daren't resist,
L is for the Let-off that he got on Forty-Nine,
M is for the Maiden Fifty clapped a second time.
N is for the Nasty target of one-seven-six,
O is for the Openers who both gave up their sticks,
P is for the Perryman who steadied up the ship,
Q is for the Quicksand into which the middle order slipped.
R is for the Rearguard action Super Ginga played,
But at Ninety-Nine for Eight, our bed was all but made.

S is for the Somers Spell with a double wicket maiden,
T is for Thomson walking when he wasn't even played-in,
U is for the Umpires who watched the wickets being bagged
V is for the Veracity with which the tail-end wagged
W is for the West : her first Mystic runs acquired
X is for the X-Ray vision facing Adam had required
Y is for Yell of joy a record last stand brought
Z is for the Zenith of an afternoon of sport.

And thus our characters were all well and truly spent
Which left Erratics cheering and the Mystics in lament,
The Mystic lexicon of talent lay in disarray,
The Scrabble came to nought, the Cup had slipped away,
So we packed away our A-Z until the tour next year,
The day had spelt disaster, but at least we had some beer.

(Author's note: some facts pertaining to this match were dropped on the grounds that they neither scanned nor rhymed, though some were included for the very same reason. Debutants were Berry, Perryman and Parker (fine if you're writing an Epic story of a Law Firm or something but no good here). Adam Thomas also enjoyed a double-wicket maiden and ended with 5 for 8, but he already featured more than enough. Record 10th wicket partnership vs Erratics of 19 between Donna and Adrian - "Three Arms, One Purpose". The Erratics applauded Orpen's 50 when he was on 49, and he was then dropped before reaching his half-century. Kevin bowled two maidens in a row, Jim bowled one in a row and Matthew Cook bowled none in a row, which speaks volumes, though about what I'm not entirely sure. Oh and did I say it was very, very hot!)

Adrian Borley

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