Clacking Weather


Mystics versus Clackmannan, 1st August 2001

Approaching Clackmannan's hallowed turf the Mystic crew were ready
Fresh from Largo's conquer, confidence was steady
Emerging from the dressing room - the teams were keen to start
Player and spectator all set to play their part
Umpire David Wilson regretted he couldn't play
He found it hard to see these days but said 'Don't worry I'll umpire anyway'(!)
Everything seemed perfect it was to be a cracking day
But alas there was one problem - the sky seemed very grey
The inevitable soon happened the rain began to pour
When one shower seemed to cease down came a few more,
The next hour was frustrating - the rain came every 10 (minutes)
No sooner had we started when off we'd go again
The umpires were diplomatic and each time it began to clear
Umpire Thomson shrugged his shoulders and went back to his beer
BUT finally at 3ish the sun began to shine
And for the next 4 hours at least it continued to be fine (ish)

The opening overs were textbook, the fielders were spritely,
Everyone was on their toes and Adam bowled quite tightly
A lot of us were baffled - when before had this been seen?
The M&M's were looking 'Dangerously like a cricket team' (Jim)
Great catches from keeper Sid and then from Chave at slip (1st slip - diving low to right - nice)
Grumpy at cow corner caught Simonton's lofted chip
Windy was having none of it though while standing in the deep
A ball sailed right past his nose BUT he said ' I wasn't asleep' (second opinion needed I think Windy)
There was 'Jonty-esque' stuff from Ernie who despite the outfield's bumps (slight exaggeration - the outfield was smooth as ever)
A stunning one hand pick-up - a shy and he HIT THE STUMPS!!
The batsman stranded 2 foot short looked up in some dismay
At a world-class piece of fielding - the highlight of the day....

Could matters get any better - the crowd were shouting for more (sort of)
When after 14 overs Clacky were 35 for 4
But good things never last they say and we were soon put in or place
When the batting side fought back through the work of (W) G Grace

The ball was hammered all over the park - there seemed little we could do
So skipper Chave put on the spinners - a decision he would rue...
The spinners were dispatched to every part of the ground
The 'Spin helps to stop the runs' rule doesn't always work we found...(or maybe it does - but not the way Clem and Windy bowled it - no comment - blame the damp I reckon....)
Jim Thomson was the only spinner to establish some respect
His spell was supremely controlled but by then our figures were wrecked (In wet conditions Jim maintained mesmerising line and length - impressive really)

As the ball was being struck hard and fast - during the chaotic Mêlée
Deke attempted a flick up straight from the class of Pelé
He also tried another technique and although he'd never brag
Surely he'll be famous for inventing the sandbag
This means that when the ball is coming and it's just about to pass
You simply lie down on the floor and stop it with your arse...(or knee sometimes works better according to the experts)
A quick word here about Matt Cook who playing for the batting side
Couldn't keep the ball on the ground however hard he tried
Yet he didn't have too much trouble as our catching went from good to poor
And every chance he offered went begging to the floor
Frustrated skipper Duncan for wickets began to plea
So promptly brought himself on and in 2 overs got 3... (showing the slow bowlers how to do it without excessive runnage)
But by then the party was over - and as we went for tea
100 runs had been added (in 15 overs!) and the total was 163 (...well 162 actually...)

The tea as ever was cracking - and feeling fully refreshed
Mystic openers Ernie and Grumpy prepared to do their best...
Second ball a convincing sound was heard from Grumpy's bat
But the umpire said not out - so did Grumpy - fancy that!!
The batting was impressive though - and 76 were gained
BUT this match was to finish early as at 6.30 ish it rained
The umpires declared it was foolish to try and continue the tussle
And they called the match to a halt at the fall of Bryan Russell (by this time the pitch was soaked and too greasy too be safe as was proved by Bryan who ran into bowl - reached the crease and was promptly floored - enough was enough - in the interest of public safety things had to stop - so they did...but I digress...)

And so the fight was over - at least for another year,
But the day was by no means finished as we started on the beer
We chilled hard for many an hour - late into the night
So despite the days varied antics, we'd got our priorities right

The final word to Graham Grace - who said he could taste whisky
But even as the words left his lips you could see Deke getting frisky (whiskily speaking)
Graham said that given any whisky he was sure that he could pick it
BUT Deke sipped his highland and smiled - 'Graham stick to the Cricket!!...'

(And so our story finishes of cricket twixt Scottish heather (oh dear - sorry guys)
A great day was had by all thanks to Clacking weather.)

Anon (Clem)


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